For what felt like hours, I sat and stared at the letter. Everyone knows about fight or flight as the body’s response to fear, but there’s a third ‘F’: freeze. I just shut down. It was like I was in a vacuum, lifted out of normal life.

Eventually, I called Medical Protection. I was immediately assigned a case manager and a medicolegal consultant. I’ll never forget how supportive they were, the way they talked me through the next steps in a very practical, very human way. Just having those discussions brought me back to myself.

As well as responding to the complaint, I was required to provide a statement for a Patient Safety Incident Investigation (PSII) by my trust. My medicolegal consultant helped me to draft a single factual statement that could be used for both the PSII and the coroner’s inquest.

After that, things went quiet for a while. But I knew it was the calm before the storm.

When my trust published the PSII report, it hit me like a physical blow. While it rightly criticised me for the mistake I’d made, there was no mention of the role of the ward pharmacist, or the fact that the patient had refused to wear compression stockings.

This just wasn’t right. I asked the trust to revisit the report and make it a more balanced reflection of events, but they refused. Simultaneously, the coroner listed the inquest hearing. Shortly afterwards, my trust’s solicitors made it clear that the trust would not be able to support me due to a conflict of interest.

I called my medicolegal consultant, who was so supportive I almost cried. After reviewing the documents, she advised that there was a risk of criticism at the inquest. She applied to the coroner to ask that I be made an Interested Person in my own right, which would mean I was entitled to legal representation.

And so another arm of Medical Protection swung into action, in the form of the in-house legal adviser who would help me prepare for the inquest and represent me at it.

The limbo of waiting for the inquest was terribly hard. I was simultaneously wishing the time away and wanting it to stand still, constantly going over ‘if only’ and ‘what if’ scenarios in my mind.

When it finally came, thanks to the support of my solicitor, I managed to give coherent answers and detail the changes to my practice and those of the department since my patient’s death. The coroner’s conclusion was balanced and fair, referencing not only my mistake but also the system errors and circumstances compounding it.

Because I’d been criticised by an official enquiry, I had to refer myself to the GMC, following the guidance in Good medical practice. Supported by my medicolegal consultant and legal adviser, I undertook deep reflection. When the self-referral form was complete, I was satisfied I’d been as honest and thorough as I could have been.

The GMC decided to open an investigation. In addition to the concerns about the discharge medication, their complaint alleged substandard surgery and raised probity questions regarding my evidence at the inquest.

These allegations were a bolt from the blue. The expert they had commissioned a report from was critical, referring to several aspects of the surgery which he felt fell below the standard expected.

Looking back, that was the lowest point of the whole thing. I remember thinking, how will I ever come back from this?

It was no longer about a single incident, it was as though my whole character was on trial. I’m a good surgeon and an honest person; I would never deliberately mislead an inquest. But faced with allegation after allegation, I was questioning everything – and it was frightening how quickly I lost my sense of self.

I don’t have family around me, and I’ve never felt so alone. But thankfully, I wasn’t. My medicolegal consultant was quick to reassure me and got on the case immediately, instructing another expert to give their opinion. Using this, along with my evidence and reflections, we submitted a response to the GMC under Rule 7, which allows doctors under investigation to provide written comments in their defence.  

To say it was a tense wait for the GMC’s verdict would be an understatement. For the first time in my life, I understood the meaning of being ‘beside yourself’. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and found myself completely unable to settle. I thought about the case constantly, tormenting myself with likely outcomes – all of them bleak.

And then there it was, lying in a shaft of sunlight on the doormat. The dreaded letter. For a full minute I just stared at it. Opening it felt unbearable. Not knowing felt equally unbearable. Suddenly I was seized with impatience – just get it over with! I ripped open the envelope and read the unbelievable words inside.

After consideration by our case examiners, your case has been closed with no further action.

The letter cited my reflections and the demonstrable changes to my practice, as well as the numerous testimonials and excellent patient feedback my Medical Protection team had pulled together as part of their robust defence.

I’d never really thought about my trust not being there to support me if something went wrong. But I can now see how this happens when your interests don’t align with those of your employers. I’m just so thankful Medical Protection were there for me. Everyone on the team had my back, every step of the way. The positive result was down to their advice and clear strategy: legal rigour, expert evidence, and early reflection and remediation.

Not only that, but I always had the strongest sense of being understood as a human being, as well as a doctor. When you’re feeling more alone than you ever have in your life, that’s the most important thing of all.

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This case is based on a real scenario, with some facts altered to preserve confidentiality. Licensed stock imagery has been used for illustrative purposes only and to protect member confidentiality.

*Cost shown is the annual membership price for a UK medical consultant working exclusively in the NHS. Subject to protection requirements and underwriting approval.