That lie led to another, then another, then a whole web of lies and deception that became impossible to unpick. I cited myself as author, co-author, editor, or reviewer of several other papers. I said I had papers at press stage, when I had nothing at all. To my deep shame, I plagiarised the work of other doctors – not just a little, but extensively.

When I say all this out loud, it just sounds unbelievable. It’s hard to explain, but I went into a kind of trance, fabricating lies to cover up lies, driven by the fear of being discovered. But mostly I was in denial.

Two years of this double life led to me facing a GMC tribunal panel. As they delivered their findings, each one landed with a stab of remorse and dread.

My conduct amounted to multiple acts of dishonesty, designed to boost my reputation and standing.

My actions had brought the medical profession into disrepute.

My fitness to practise was impaired by reason of serious misconduct.

I don’t know how I managed to remain outwardly calm as they came to the question of sanctions.

My Medical Protection team had warned me there was a good chance I could be erased. Even though my lawyer had diligently obtained extremely supportive testimonials from several of my colleagues, I just didn’t know if it would be enough. We were as well prepared as we could have been, but nothing prepares you for the moment when you’re facing the end of your career.

I broke down in tears when they pronounced that my misconduct fell short of the sanction of erasure. Having heard from several of my colleagues, they felt I was a respected clinician, a valued member of the profession who still had a lot to contribute.

I was to be suspended for a year, during which I was tasked with in-depth reflection and professional development.

The outcome could have been very different if it hadn’t been for my medicolegal consultant and lawyer. It was through my meetings with them, and the therapist I was matched with, that I was able to start coming out of denial and coming back to myself. The tribunal acknowledged the work I’d done, but felt I had more to do to remove the risk of further dishonesty and the damage this could do to my colleagues, patients, and the profession.

Over the year that followed, guided and supported by my Medical Protection team, I went on a reflective journey that didn’t just educate me, it changed me. It enabled me to see the root cause of the dishonesty: high levels of stress and upset, coupled with fear-based prideI really needed that job, and a driving factor was being able to support my mum and dad. But at the same time, there’s a lot of status attached to the academic side of medicine, and I was chasing this to feel better about myself, and more in control.

I’m not trying to excuse the things I did, but as a cardiothoracic surgeon, my field is competitive and challenging, and I also come from a competitive and challenging background. My parents wanted so much more for me than they’d had themselves. I am their only child, and they always pushed me hard to achieve. Their expectations, and the standards I set myself, were sky high.

Certainly, my mental health at the time of the dishonesty was not good. On top of work stress, my mum’s need for constant care was hard on me and my husband, and it was heartbreaking to see my dad in distress almost every day.  

But as I said, nothing excuses my behaviour. The GMC is very clear on this: research must be honest and transparent. My academic efforts during those two years were anything but.

During the year I was suspended, I undertook more than 20 professional development courses. Medical Protection’s courses relating to professional ethics and integrity were particularly valuable. I saw my therapist every week, and as the months went on, I was able to understand my damaging thoughts and behaviour and ultimately overcome them. There was a lot of homework in between the sessions, and based on this my therapist helped me to prepare the reflective statement required by the tribunal review.

To my immense gratitude, the review panel no longer considered that my fitness to practise was impaired, and I was able to return to work without restrictions.

Getting through something like this, there’s no way you can do that alone. My husband was an absolute rock. My colleagues were incredibly generous in their forgiveness, which was especially humbling as my suspension meant more work for them. My medicolegal consultant  and lawyer were there from start to finish, holding all the strands of the case together and making sure we worked collaboratively, with a clear objective and strategy we’d discussed and agreed at the start.

I’d never really thought about what my Medical Protection membership meant beyond financial protection. Now I see it for what it is: a priceless well of guidance and support for a whole range of situations you might find yourself in – or in my case put yourself in – as a consultant, including access to in-house lawyers. That support is there whenever you need it, and it comes with real understanding as well as expertise – the medicolegal consultants are all real doctors who understand the pressures of medicine.

The feeling I’m left with is one of deepest gratitude, and I hope that one day I get to repay all the good people in my life.

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This case is based on a real scenario, with some facts altered to preserve confidentiality. Licensed stock imagery has been used for illustrative purposes only and to protect member confidentiality.

*Cost shown is the annual membership price for a UK medical consultant working exclusively in the NHS. Subject to protection requirements and underwriting approval.